Who’s Out There?

 I started this blog a year after my devastating accident at the urging of a friend. I began it with the purpose of sharing my thoughts and daily journey with others who either face or are wondering about how I’m doing on my Road to Recovery. Writing is therapeutic for me as well. I have been astounded by the number of people from literally across the world who have read the blog and taken a peek into our world. I say our because spinal cord injuries impact the lives of family and also close friends. They are the ones who step in to help when I cannot step. They help for the many crucial work-arounds as I call the methods to help with functions from my T-6 injury point on down that no longer operate.

Maybe you, like me, also wonder, “Who’s out there?” Well, there have been readers from all the continents except Antartica! There have been readers from 45 different countries. Those are humbling statistics. One thing that my husband and I had looked forward to in our retirement, that has been severely curtailed, was travel, especially international travel. How amazing it would be to visit each of the countries where others have read my blog. You’ve looked into my world; I’d love to visit your world.

Photo by Jimmy Chan on Pexels.com

Photo by Jimmy Chan on Pexels.com

Recently, there have been a great many view from Hong Kong. My husband and I thoroughly enjoyed a visit to Hong Kong less than ten years ago. I am intrigued by the person or people who have been reading at this time. If you have questions, want to ‘talk’ in more depth, have specific questions about other work-arounds, or need information, please contact me. If you submit a comment, I can keep it private. No one else needs to see it. I will certainly respond, again privately.

As I said many times, I have been given grace through this accident and experience. It is NOT easy; nothing about it is easy. But, I’ve been helped and supported. I’d like to help and support others.

I’ve been blessed through this experience. Watch for your blessings. Shalom, Collene

Courage and Legacy

  

Typically I would put this link (below) under the page on this blog “SCI Of Interest.” However, as I look forward to the arrival of our first grandchild, a little girl, I am thinking back on the hopes and dreams I had of being your grandma extraordinaire. A grandma who made her a quilt, traveled to her new home to help her Mommy and Daddy around the house so they could bond with you, and a grandma who would pick you up, cuddle you, and read you book after book after book so I could help you become literate and a book lover just like your parents, uncles and aunts, and grandparents. There is so much of that I will not be able to do such as sew you a quilt on which I can hand quilt the special touches which are always my favorite part of a quilt – keeping the legacy alive from my great-grandma and my grandma who sewed quilts for me that I still treasure. To sew with the two machines I have; one fairly “new” and one the antique, treddle Singer that Great-Grandma used, had converted to electric power, and on which I learned to sew in 4-H as a ten-year-old; require foot-power which I cannot provide. Yes, I could move the power foot to the table-top and use my right hand but to sew neatly enough for small quilt pieces one needs two hands to align the fabric. I cannot fly out for an extended time to help your mommy and daddy because I cannot climb the steps or provide the help around the house they would need. Fortunately, your other grandma is able to do an extraordinary job at that. I cannot pick you up out of your crib because I need one arm to keep myself upright. I would never risk dropping you. I cannot be there in person regularly to sing you lullabies or read those hundreds of nursery rhymes and stories to you. But, I can, as your daddy reminded me, do other things.

Once again, creative problem solving is essential. I have found options beyond traditional quilting. I can hold you, once you’re placed on my lap, and lovingly rub your back, talk with you, and play silly facial games. I can send you short audio tapes of me reading books so you learn my voice and are enriched by the benefits I, as a former reading specialist, understand. We can FaceTime you so you know my voice and enjoy the stories I select to share especially with you. Now, today on TV, Christopher & Dana Reeves’ son read his words to his younger self of what he learned from his parents. This reminds me that I can be there for you in very special ways – even if not it the dreamed-of, more traditional ones. You will learn about love, learning, family, responsibility, character, giving, faith, self-worth, and so much more from us, your parents, and other family members. You are loved even though you are not yet born.

https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/#inbox/FMfcgxvxBFlRDSrTRnCjvFJrvqnRpGKj

 

Just out from Reeves Foundation

https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/#inbox/16045e48cd3cf919

Please check “SCI Research” page (above) for the full release. The FDA has just approved fundraising for The Big Idea based on the Susan Harkema, U of Louisville, and others’ research on four men with significant SCI damage. All four men can stand, move their toes/feet, and have improved ‘quality of life’ functions. (read: bladder, bowel, sexual). This is due to spinal cord stimulators. The stimulators in this study are used in unique ways but, based on our son, we know that spinal cord stimulators are used in a widespread way by pain management physicians. The hope continues. If Reeves can raise enough funding and Harkema’s research can progress, many, many doctors could be already equipped to make a huge difference for those with SCI.

A ~ So There, Death: … You

(First of 2 parts) Do you ever have those moments from a song or talk or sermon that come back to prey on your mind? Moments that seem to be seared into your memory for what they mean to you? I had two this summer that seemed related. Here is A. B will follow.

My husband and I need to arrive almost everywhere we go early because, not only do we need a handicap spot, we need a handicap spot with the blue slash marked area. Apparently many, even with handicap hang tags, do not understand these spaces are designed specifically so those with ramps have space to lower that ramp plus space to actually roll down and off. (But, that’s an entry yet to be written.) One advantage of getting to our church early is that we get to hear our 70-100-voice choir rehearse their songs. I noticed it was Abide with Me one morning and thought, “Oh, good, this is one song that won’t move me to tears.” I had grown up with this song and it seemed a bit slow and ho-hum. Well, I hadn’t heard the rendition by GM, Minister of Music and Director. Our brass ensemble, rather than the full orchestra, was playing this day. The Brass were seated at our directors left with the choir in front of him. As the service progressed and it drew to the choir’s contribution, the words caught me. (Italics added)

Abide with me: fast falls the eventide

The darkness deepens, Lord with me abide.

When other helpers flee and comforts fade,

Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

…

I need your presence with each passing hour.

What but your grace can foil the tempter’s power?

Who like yourself my guide and strength can be?

Through cloud and sunshine, O abide with me.

 

I fear no foe with you at hand to bless,

Ills have no weight, and tears their bitterness.

Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, your victory?

I triumph still, if you abide with me.

I’m not a swearing person or taken to crude language but at this point I am moved and am thinking, so there death! xxx you death! You had your chance but I’m still alive. I’m living to do more – (of what)?

Hold now your Word before my closing eyes.

Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.

At this point the director has been building the brass and voices but he’s demanding even more. He stamped his left foot and dug down-and-out with his fisted left hand to inspire the brass.

Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;

And, now, instead of the soft pianissimo I am used to hearing with this song, the director digs down-and-out with his right hand to inspire the choir to give all they have for:

In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

(Henry Francis Lyte)

Whew! Death, you did have your chance with me. I was at death’s doorstep, unconscious, and on life support for days leaving my family feeling helpless and praying as much as they dared and as boldly as they dared. Little by little I’ve gotten to this point. Not easy for my family or me. But, here I am and I’m still working to be as independent as possible. I’m asking God to abide with me and bless the work I’m trying to do. It’s certainly not what I expected to do or much of anything that involves moving about. Thankfully, we live in a world of being able to communicate with the keyboard and Internet. Is that what I’m to do? Am I to be here longer for our children and families? Is my manuscript going to be accepted and published? It seems the message I have to share is crucial for mobility challenged children, their parents, and health personnel. What message am I to share through my blog? I will trust and watch how he abides with me, not quietly but working to the fullest I can. So, there death! Take that!

Amy Skiing!

Amy Van Dyken Rouen (another Dutch girl & 6x Olympic Swimmer) had her devastating accident about a month after mine. I kept hearing from family and friends that, “On a recent interview, Amy Van Dyken said … just like you’ve been saying, Collene.” I tried to send her a message but couldn’t find a way to contact her at that time. A message I started to her remains on my desktop under her name. That keeps her on my mind and recently I’d begun to wonder how she’s doing. Yesterday I heard another interview of her on the Today Show. I went online just now to find that interview. First, I happened on an interview done a couple months post-injury. Watching her struggle to pull her useless  & “dead weight” legs onto the bed brought instant tears to my eyes as I flashed back to  myself in those difficult days. I quickly fine-tuned my search and brought up this link:

http://www.today.com/video/watch-amy-van-dyken-rouen-ski-for-the-first-time-since-near-fatal-accident-918601795513

As I watched Amy ski, adaptive of course, some tears continued but I realized these were tears of joy over feeling so very proud of Amy – for her determination and what she was overcoming. You will be delighted that you took a couple minutes to view her interview – seeing and hearing her joy while skiing. Listen closely to her comment on how she (read: we) meets walls. We figure out ways to go under, around, over, or break through. We somehow overcome the walls and challenges. Go Amy!

Not sure I need to add the reminder to all of us to watch for our blessings.

Shalom, Collene

A Story of Grace

I was asked to speak at our FL church for a stewardship moment. It is at the very beginning of the service immediately after the announcements. If it doesn’t come up, it was Nov. 27 ~ click the “watch” button.

http://www.moorings-presby.org/archive-services.html#

For a second time, my testimonial was called “A Story of Grace” by others. It is.

We all receive blessing. Shalom, Collene

Purpose

For 2015 one of my sisters challenged us to each select a word for the year. It was to be one to encourage, challenge, and focus. Mine was easy the first year: Hope. This year a different word came to me: Purpose. I’ve always been a big picture person. If I understood the full situation and especially the reason for something, it made sense and I remembered. I tried to focus on the greater good and purpose for what I did. Easy enough, right? But, then first came retirement and then came the accident.

My purpose and motivation in my career never was “to retire.” I loved working; I loved my job and knew I made a difference. What would I do in retirement? I often said, “I don’t want to retire to be a housewife.” Cleaning and cooking had never been my thing and I wanted to do more than that in retirement. Those tasks would remain shared. Growing up, I would much rather be outside helping than in the house. I much preferred hanging laundry, mowing the lawn, working in the garden, or going to various orchards and farmers to pick fruit and vegetables so we could freeze or can for winter. I even liked topping onions in the muck behind our home. Don’t get me wrong, I love a clean, orderly house and enjoy delicious food. In fact, now when I can dust; clean bathrooms; make the bed (not from scratch); wash, dry, and fold the laundry; or find something I can safely make in the kitchen I feel like I’ve accomplished a LOT! But, I still want and need more.

My mother will soon turn 90. I think I’m asking more questions about her growing up years and stories of her life. When I asked what her typical day was like growing up, I learned that she helped Grandpa outside on the farm and her twin sister helped Grandma in the house. I never realized that! Mom was always amazing in our kitchen. I joke that it was a surprise to me when first married that her cooking and baking skills weren’t inherited. Even during WW2 when both girls, still dressed alike, went to Grand Rapids to work in an office, Mom came home and helped Grandpa on the farm and her sister worked in the house. Now I understand where I get my preferences!

I worked through the what to do in retirement dilemma by identifying some education related projects as well as some ways I believed I could give back while tapping into my experiences and strengths developed through my career. Of course, we also wanted to enjoy more extended sailing, visits with our children, and chip away at that long bucket list of places to which we wanted to travel. In those first months, we were making progress and enjoying ourselves very much.

Accident. Life changed.

If you’ve read my CarePages or this blog, you know that we pray(ed) for miracles. I am an N of one. I still pray for miracles of healing for both of us. We pray that research and modern medicine may develop and fine-tune treatments which hold promise for improvement in bodily functions, bone density, cardio, movement, standing, and walking. I will never cease praying for that miracle.

However, I realized recently that I am already a miracle. Think about all my broken bones, especially in my torso. Yet, I have full use of my arms and hands. Nurses told me that most people with the scull fracture where I had mine do not live. An X-ray technician who was trying to arrange my body to clearly get pictures to show the healing that had occurred to my various bones said, “Do you have any idea how hard you were hit to break your sternum? The sternum is almost unbreakable.” In Mary Free Bed (rehab), based on my chart from Lee Memorial (trauma), I was placed in the brain injury section rather than the spinal cord section. As new medical staff came to meet and help me, I often heard, “Wow, you’re not what I expected after reading your chart. I didn’t expect you to be talking, carrying on a meaningful conversation, or as good as you are.” I have life and have it abundantly. I realize that life as I have it, challenging as it is, is due to miracles. I fully believe the prayers from so many from day one and in an on-going manner are in large part responsible for this miracle of me.

A friend of one of our sons spent some time studying and researching in Ireland. This person recalled being amazed at the number of trees everywhere. At one point, the friend was in the countryside and noted a lone tree. It was huge with its branches and leaves stretched out so beautifully as opposed to those in town which grew together and merged. This person thought, wouldn’t it be wonderful to be like a tree and grow as strong and as fully as this one, simply reach for the light and grow as intended. The tree’s job is to find the sun and move toward it. How beautiful. Trees know their purpose.

The story also reminded me of an opportunity I had decades ago to attend our church denomination’s youth rally with the HS youth group for which Alan and I were leaders. Blind composer, pianist, and singer Ken Medema was an integral part of the worship sessions. For this conference, he wrote a song which we sang regularly and used as our focus.

♪ I saw a tree by the riverside one day as I walked along                                                        Straight as an arrow and pointing to the sky and growing tall and strong.                        “How do you grow so straight and tall?” I said to my riverside tree.                                        This is the song that my tree friend sang to me.

I’ve got roots growing down to the water,                                                                                          I’ve got leaves growing up to the sunshine,                                                                                    And, the fruit I bear is a sign of the life in me.                                                                                       I am shade from the hot summer sundown,                                                                                            I am nest for the birds of the heaven,                                                                                                  I’m becoming what the maker of trees has meant me to be: A strong young tree.

So, what is my purpose? In all honesty, there are days when just getting through the day is purpose enough. But, I can’t believe God allowed me to live as I am just to get through the days. I ask prayerfully that my words to be acceptable and to live more Christ like. I continue to enjoy and impact our children, Alan, extended family, and friends. Is there something beyond what I’m doing? Is there more I should write? More I should do? Or, less? Be more aware of? Be more sensitive to? Additional advocacy? Promote my spelling program? Become more engaged in leadership or education? What?

From: I, The Lord, of Sea and Sky ♬                                                                                                 (Chorus) Here I am Lord, Is it I, Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart. (Dan Schutte)

Watch for your purpose and enjoy your blessings. Shalom, Collene