Oh God, Really

A year had passed since the accident and I was determined to keep the day as normal as possible. Certainly there was no reason to celebrate. Lots to be thankful for, but, nothing to celebrate. Alan was gone accepting a surprise blessing by being named the Distinguished Alumni: Lifetime Achievement Award by Seidman Business School at Grand Valley State University. I was immensely proud for him!

I had stripped the bed in my clumsy ‘roll repeatedly around the bed pulling, stretching, and reaching with my dressing stick or grabber’ until the sheets, pillowcases, and mattress pad were off. I stacked a couple sheets on my lap and rolled them into our small combination laundry/ water heater room. Again, I could utilize the dressing stick and stretching in order to reach the washing machine, open the lid, and insert the sheets and pillowcases into the drum. However, I could not reach the detergent, Oxy, or ammonia needed to clean or even the controls on the machine. My dear neighbor came and helped me with those and subsequently helped wash & dry the rest of the bedding. With the help of another dear neighbor, by late afternoon the bed was remade with clean linens. The room had fresh air since they could reach windows too high for me to raise. I was grateful for their efforts. Knowing Alan was gone, additional people thoughtfully dropped by and my family was careful to call, email, or text on this memorable date.

By evening, I felt like it had been an exhausting day and I was ready to get into bed. It struck me how fresh & clean it all seemed in there. I backed my Chariot of Hope along side the bed just so, placed my slide board between the chair and bed, and maneuvered onto the bed. There I lay backwards to begin worming out of my slacks. Once low enough, I pulled on the bed ladder to raise myself to the sitting position so I could slide my slacks off my feet. At that point, I realized that I had some dark drainage from the surgery wound on the clean sheet just above the extra folded sheet/pad that we keep on my side of the bed. Tears erupted because I would now have to spot clean the stain before proceeding. As suddenly, the words and thoughts came. “Oh God, can’t anything go right? You’ve got to help me! Please, please heal this wound and help me prevent such messes. It really is such a small thing on the scope of what you can do but I need a break from things going wrong. Please, God.”

About as quickly, I remembered two things. First, my Christian, physical therapist from MFB that God placed smack dab in my path last spring, summer, and fall once said to me, “Collene, you can get mad at God and tell Him how you feel. He already knows.” Second, the devotional book Jesus Calling, which seems to speak directly to us so often, noted that God is like a loving parent or close friend who already knows what you need and are thinking. However, He wants us to share those thoughts, requests, and thank-yous with him. I realized I had not spouted out at Jesus but rather called out to Him. And, He was there listening.

One of the things I talk to Jesus about nearly daily is a thanksgiving for the many of you who have and continue to support us through this journey. I ask God to rain down blessing on you. Watch for those blessing.

Shalom, Collene

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Shirley Kleinfelter
    Apr 05, 2015 @ 18:59:57

    OH my Collene, God and I talk everyday about the improvement for you and Alan and I always ask for a miracle for you, I feel confident it will come. Please Collene, anytime you wish to talk you know I am always here for you. My prayers will continue daily for you and Alan. Blessings to you both! Love, Shirley K.

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  2. gloriabeth77
    Apr 05, 2015 @ 19:47:18

    Your strength of Spirit never fails to inspire me. You have challenged us to watch for our blessings and I find them daily! Thank you for encouraging us to see and believe. In return my prayer for you is unfaltering hope of healing. Looking forward to seeing you when the weather warms up here!

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